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Now that I had recognized it, I could start to deal with it. It reminded me of the process that Doctor Mercer had used to draw me out of my depression over Birgit. This time, I was going to try to skip the anger part.My quest for self-discovery had to start with figuring out what made me act and think the way I did. Joyce had pushed me on that, and I owed her a huge debt of gratitude for pushing me hard. Of course, Melanie, Jennifer and Stephanie were pushing me as well. And I could feel Birgit, her essence, her memories, a presence that I could still feel within me, with me. Suzana had just helped me find another link in the chain.“Thanks!” I said. “You just helped me immensely!”I moved and hugged her, and our eyes met. She quickly broke the contact and slid away.“That’s not a good idea,” she said.“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it except a hug of gratitude.”“That’s not what I saw in your eyes,” she said apprehensively.This wasn’t the first time my eyes had betrayed some inner. "Mike, please?" I half cried, "What if someone we know sees us?" In this place?" He laughed, "No we both know can afford to eat here.Look Susie so long as as you act like any other girl out with herboyfriend for dinner, all anyone will see is just a good looking blokeand his girlfriend having a romantic Friday night with her," Mike said,squeezing my hand, "Just relax and be that girlfriend." But?" No buts! If you go in ashamed because you're feeling like a manwearing a dress, then people will realise that you're a man in adress." Mike stated, "If you go in acting like a girl who's just gotengaged to the man she loves, then people will see you like that. Itsall about perceived gender so if you behave like a girl in love anyonewatching will see you like that." Oh?" I said feeling my heart thumping like a hammer in my chest."Look I'll say it again, I would not have talked you into doing this ifI did not think that we could pull it off, because I know that the onlyway someone will guess.
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